discouraged.

Ok so I am TRYING to run everyday. lately though ( last 3 days) I am finding it harder and harder to actually Run. I am not even able to do a full mile right now, and today when I TRIED to run my ankle about threw a fit. It feels like a pinched nerve or something and I ran through the pinching for a while but when I was more limp jogging than jogging I gave in. I know most of this is mental. I know I can and will work through this. I know I have to... the question is how. It doesnt' help that the dragon time has showed it's ugly head and I bite peoples heads off without provocation, but still I NEED to do this I need it. Thanks for listening I will try not to grump aobut running for long.

Great news. LOL my dd no longer has a BF. he did some stupid things and she dumped his butt. She dumped him so she is in a GREAT mood which is really weird because at the end of school she was mopping around like the world was going to end because her beloved BF wouldn't be able to see her everyday.

K the weird part she really does still want to be his friend. She told me sh worries about him and I keep telling her it isn't her problem. he is having family issues right now and his mother is almmost always telling him things you just should tell a teenager.

Anyway the plan has been set for the rest of her dates. Hand holding is OK. Kissing under 20 seconds is OK and hugging under 30seconds is ok nothing more. She is not allow to date the same boy times in a row and there must be at least 2 other dates between times. I am hoping this will help her with some of the issues she has been having.

My thoughts on running.

I have decided that there my just be a runner in me. Every timeI push my self just a little farther and every time I make it past a goal I have set for myself a smile shows up and I feel so much better. I have been letting how I look dictate what I do and signing up for the 5K has forced me to move past that. I pray I continue to remember that. This is not just about me this about those that have have and will sponsor me and about how good I feel not about how I look. though the side affects will be nice.

Well I did it.

I just registered for the 5k. I am now in full sponsor mode. So Love me and sponsor me in the race.

Go here.

https://www.kidneyawarenesstime.org/donate/Mar'lee_Shumway_4915/index.html

and click on the sponsor me button. Off to train for the next 3 months. Pray for me and wish me luck.

debating debating debating.

I am in debate mode over whether or not to do this.

https://www.kidneyawarenesstime.org/eventhome.php?WalkathonID=156

I know I LOVE the cause and I know that it would be do able (I think) but I think I have some fear of success..... I mean almost everything I have ever said I wanted to do I don't. not really sure why right this minute I just don't. So here is the thing this 5 K is is the weekend before my dads bday and I was thinking it would be cool if he did the walk and i did the run or something like that. If he is able to run that would be the best but I don't know that he can.

So what think ye should I do it or no. Can I learn to jog g3 miles when I get oh about one half mile in now. Or am I just plain nuts.

a little braided.

Ok so I was bored and my dd has the most wonderful long hair so I a little nuts. First we did a heart braid last night. In the future i plan to add ribbons and see how that works. for now we have this.

then I decided to see how far I could do one braid so I zig zagged it. that was fun but took forever. myabe next time I will do it smaller and it will take even longer. LOL

OK first off ignore the VERY messy bedroom I had and issue with cleaning. I am thinking that I need to do this to both of my long haired girls and maybe even me. What do ya think should I do it?

My Goal List.

Yes I need this I really really do


In the remainder of 2010 I intend to.........

finish the book of mormon at least once.

Prepare before hand for the lesson being taught both in gospel principals and RS.

say my personal prayers every morning to give me strength for the rest of the day.

Start back up My lemongrass business and get at least 3 new recruits by the end of the year. (Hopefully more)And 2-3 parties a month. Making enough money to go back to school and pay for the business to run it's self.

Loose 40 pounds and keep it off.

Prep for a 5 k at the beginning of next year (possibly the end of this.)

exercise 5-6 times a week for at least one hour.

Keep my calories to under 1800 a day by cutting out processed carbs and red meat.

Start studying for my Yoga instructors licence. Set the date for it and PAY for the admission.

be able to RUN at least a mile. This should be a breeze if I get the rest together.

Get my 1st degree 3 level black belt. I just want ot see my name on the thing.

Use the friends I have to help me do these things and not feel guilty for asking for help.

wow six months

I am having a hard time feeling like I don't really have a baby anymore. Right now she is sitting on my lap drinking her juice and looking at me like I am insane. SHe is what gets me going in the morning and moves me through my day. I know she loves me she is petting my arm just to make sure I am there.

Her personality is starting to show and she is going to be a talker.she is growing so much. I am not really sure just what do to with her. things are changing so fast. I want to freeze time and keep her here. JUST............LIKE..............THIS

HELLLLLOOOOO.........Am I really here......

I feel like all I am doing lately is.......... well I guess I don't know. I am lost. I try and ask my kids to do something...... NOTHING...... I ask my husband to go out with me (5 times now)........nothing....... I don't have a hobby, I don't have friends close by anymore, I don't feel like I am even thought of at this point. I don't know what I am good at. I don't sew I don't cook(ask DH) and don't...... don't don't don't.......... I don't even blog well the last time I came here was 6 months ago and I know it just sucks. .......I don't have the money to TRY and find something I am good at and usually if somebody tells me I am good at something I don't believe them. I talk and talk and talk and talk till I am blue in the face ans till nobody hears me. I try and get feeling out and and that too get ignored. I have come to jumpng at people when they don't do it the first time becasue I feel that is the only time they will hear me. It isn't far to them at all. This is my fault, I wish I knew how not to be insecure but I don't, I wish that when my hubbie didn't take me on a date I could just blow it off, but I can't, I wish that when my kids didn't so what I asked that I could just think oh they forgot and remind them again, but I don't. They even change the music when I leave the room because they don't think I am listening. I just really hurt my dd who more than like did just forget that I needed her to do quick cycles because I have so many kids and NO time, that I have 5 loads of laundry to do. I feel invisible and just about like a ghost. If I wasn't around what would happen really? I I go out of town alone (once every2 years) they do just fine. My son when I am not around is great does what he is asked and the whole nine yards. My dd said I didn't tell her things but I know I did. do I just go away, I don't think I can. I guess I will do what I always do. take another SAM E and let people walk right through me.

BTW the one thing I do know is that God love me and he sees me. It would just be nice if those he sent to surround me saw me too.