HELLLLLOOOOO.........Am I really here......

I feel like all I am doing lately is.......... well I guess I don't know. I am lost. I try and ask my kids to do something...... NOTHING...... I ask my husband to go out with me (5 times now)........nothing....... I don't have a hobby, I don't have friends close by anymore, I don't feel like I am even thought of at this point. I don't know what I am good at. I don't sew I don't cook(ask DH) and don't...... don't don't don't.......... I don't even blog well the last time I came here was 6 months ago and I know it just sucks. .......I don't have the money to TRY and find something I am good at and usually if somebody tells me I am good at something I don't believe them. I talk and talk and talk and talk till I am blue in the face ans till nobody hears me. I try and get feeling out and and that too get ignored. I have come to jumpng at people when they don't do it the first time becasue I feel that is the only time they will hear me. It isn't far to them at all. This is my fault, I wish I knew how not to be insecure but I don't, I wish that when my hubbie didn't take me on a date I could just blow it off, but I can't, I wish that when my kids didn't so what I asked that I could just think oh they forgot and remind them again, but I don't. They even change the music when I leave the room because they don't think I am listening. I just really hurt my dd who more than like did just forget that I needed her to do quick cycles because I have so many kids and NO time, that I have 5 loads of laundry to do. I feel invisible and just about like a ghost. If I wasn't around what would happen really? I I go out of town alone (once every2 years) they do just fine. My son when I am not around is great does what he is asked and the whole nine yards. My dd said I didn't tell her things but I know I did. do I just go away, I don't think I can. I guess I will do what I always do. take another SAM E and let people walk right through me.

BTW the one thing I do know is that God love me and he sees me. It would just be nice if those he sent to surround me saw me too.