As in I have lost a baby. This is all I could think of at church today. about how true, and at the same time ironic that statement is. True because in a very really sense I lost something. I don't have anymore and I didn't purposely send it away. The irony came in the sense that I never REALLY had it. I mean how does one loose something they have never held in their hands or seen with their eyes. I only had him ( and yes i really feel this was my sweet son) in my heart. Funny how fast I could go from not really wanting to be preggers to fully looking forward to the little boy clothes at Christmas time ( buntings are so dang cute) and then having that seemingly ripped away. I can't put up lost posters there is nothing to find. People keep asking me what they can do for me. What can another do for a broken heart. There is a real hole there, thankfully I have my kids. They are a big help, most times without even knowing it. somewhat understand those that have chosen to fall in to depression and just let it consume them. Please don't worry about me. I am Ok as far as that goes, I promise. I have to much to do in this life to let that happen, but I do understand it.
anyway just some more blabber from the lost child.
1 comment:
((HUGS)) MarLee...it really stinks :( How you said everything in this post, yeah, I think you said it perfectly how it feels-I had a miscarriage at 7 weeks between my 2nd and 3rd boys, I wasn't expecting it and wasn't sure I wanted to be pg yet, but just as I was getting used to it...well, same thing. I talked to my mom about it (she had a miscarriage right after me, at about 4-5 months along-dr gave her a rx for a bladder infection that made her miscarry) and she said she felt there possibly was something wrong with the baby's body and that it may have never made it to birth. She started to feel like it was a small bit of a blessing.
After she told me that, I became pretty sure that my baby wasn't going to develop right(I wasn't the least bit sick, and normally I'm living next to the toilet from week 3 or something!), and it had been a blessing to lose it early rater than later. And even though we hadn't planned on getting pg then or even soon, after the dr said it was ok, we tried and I got pg right away. That baby made us both want to get our family growing asap. I wonder if it hadn't been for that child, how long we wouldn't have waited, or even how many more we would have had. That pregnancy also had a great reverse effect on my hormones... kicked that ppd from the last baby in the heiny.
(((((HUGS MarLee)))))
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