My Goal List.

Yes I need this I really really do


In the remainder of 2010 I intend to.........

finish the book of mormon at least once.

Prepare before hand for the lesson being taught both in gospel principals and RS.

say my personal prayers every morning to give me strength for the rest of the day.

Start back up My lemongrass business and get at least 3 new recruits by the end of the year. (Hopefully more)And 2-3 parties a month. Making enough money to go back to school and pay for the business to run it's self.

Loose 40 pounds and keep it off.

Prep for a 5 k at the beginning of next year (possibly the end of this.)

exercise 5-6 times a week for at least one hour.

Keep my calories to under 1800 a day by cutting out processed carbs and red meat.

Start studying for my Yoga instructors licence. Set the date for it and PAY for the admission.

be able to RUN at least a mile. This should be a breeze if I get the rest together.

Get my 1st degree 3 level black belt. I just want ot see my name on the thing.

Use the friends I have to help me do these things and not feel guilty for asking for help.

wow six months

I am having a hard time feeling like I don't really have a baby anymore. Right now she is sitting on my lap drinking her juice and looking at me like I am insane. SHe is what gets me going in the morning and moves me through my day. I know she loves me she is petting my arm just to make sure I am there.

Her personality is starting to show and she is going to be a talker.she is growing so much. I am not really sure just what do to with her. things are changing so fast. I want to freeze time and keep her here. JUST............LIKE..............THIS

HELLLLLOOOOO.........Am I really here......

I feel like all I am doing lately is.......... well I guess I don't know. I am lost. I try and ask my kids to do something...... NOTHING...... I ask my husband to go out with me (5 times now)........nothing....... I don't have a hobby, I don't have friends close by anymore, I don't feel like I am even thought of at this point. I don't know what I am good at. I don't sew I don't cook(ask DH) and don't...... don't don't don't.......... I don't even blog well the last time I came here was 6 months ago and I know it just sucks. .......I don't have the money to TRY and find something I am good at and usually if somebody tells me I am good at something I don't believe them. I talk and talk and talk and talk till I am blue in the face ans till nobody hears me. I try and get feeling out and and that too get ignored. I have come to jumpng at people when they don't do it the first time becasue I feel that is the only time they will hear me. It isn't far to them at all. This is my fault, I wish I knew how not to be insecure but I don't, I wish that when my hubbie didn't take me on a date I could just blow it off, but I can't, I wish that when my kids didn't so what I asked that I could just think oh they forgot and remind them again, but I don't. They even change the music when I leave the room because they don't think I am listening. I just really hurt my dd who more than like did just forget that I needed her to do quick cycles because I have so many kids and NO time, that I have 5 loads of laundry to do. I feel invisible and just about like a ghost. If I wasn't around what would happen really? I I go out of town alone (once every2 years) they do just fine. My son when I am not around is great does what he is asked and the whole nine yards. My dd said I didn't tell her things but I know I did. do I just go away, I don't think I can. I guess I will do what I always do. take another SAM E and let people walk right through me.

BTW the one thing I do know is that God love me and he sees me. It would just be nice if those he sent to surround me saw me too.

update on little bit.

we have had our weekly appointment for out little bit today. So far she is doing AWESOME. She did fail her over night room air test. They want her to have about 90 % O2 sats 90% of the time. Well she did about 20% . However her growth is doing wonderful. She is and ounce and a half shy of her birth weight. They want to weigh her again in a week and make sure she is still gaining. on her one month she will have to have a US to make sure her hip socket is locking in.

It seems that when babies are breach they tend to sit a little bit frog legged instead of in the fetal position. so the hip and socket don't get a chance to lock in so to speak. she said that the most common solution is to wear 2 diapers instead of one and she tends to see that a lot.

other than that she is doing wonderful and is beautiful looking just like her father.

I am so glad to have great friends who pray for me and my little one, I know the peace that I feel daily is due to those prayers, so I thank you.

The birth of Kaitrin Abeigh Shumway.

First I need to back up to the beginning of this PG. about 1 week prior to me find out I was PG I was having very disturbing dreams. Dreams of myself back in the OR (remember I had just gotten out of the OR for my gallbladder). THis time though it was different I was awake this could only mean one thing, C-section. I also got the distinct impression that this was my last baby and there would be no more.

Fast forward to Dec 6 2009, stake conference. I am now 35 and 1 day PG and have just been to the Dr for mild contractions and what felt like cervical pressure. It turned out that yes I was having VERY mild contractions, what i call slow but go. The bigger problem Kaitrin is transverse. It wasn't her head in my cervix it was her FEET she was tap dancing on my cervix. that day I was irritable after trying the weekend to turn my little girl, head down I wasn't getting very far. My ribs felt like they were bruised, the contractions were annoying, and my kids are driving me nuts. I had asked about 3 times for clothes to get picked and garbage to go out. this sets the stage.

I was yet again telling my kids (in a slightly loud voice) to once again take the garbage out and put the dirty clothes in the dirty clothes and well I stepped over the pizza box (garbage) and right onto a t-shirt ,doing the full splits in front of the refrigerator. It hurt BAD. I went and sat down on the couch and and just sat. I was there for about an hour and then I figured that maybe I better go to the ER but I hadn't eaten so I ate some spaghetti and off we went. I got there and wasn't really contracting that I could tell but I was worried about my pelvis. so they hooked me up to monitor for 20 and wouldn't cha know contractions. Next step IV fluids of course, no help. so they check me and find that I am about 4 CM and the baby is still breach (ya I knew that) so up starts the action I am told at that point that she was going to call the on call DR and find out what he wanted to do. ( I am only 35 weeks+1) wel the Emergency C section gets going and all of the sudden there are at least 3 extra people in my room they dress my hubbie in what can only be described as a marshmallow suit and do the preop for me (yeah that is as much as I am going to say Jannet) then wheel me down to the OR..



where I am put on the table and do the epi bend so that they can do the spinal. It took them 7 tries to get the spinal to take, it was awful. I was very lucky to have the nurse I did. First off she is LDS second off she is an RS pres, and thridly she reminded me of my mom whom I really needed at that time. I think there were times when I may have squished her fingers off. FINALLY the tap took they let Randy into the room and they started. It was weird feeling the tugging and pulling but no pain. I was a bit nauseated ( leave it to me to eat the one time it really would make me sick) but they took care of that too. Kaitrin Abeigh (said Ca trin short i please Abby) was born at 8:17 pm Sunday December 6th weighing 6 pounds 6 ounces and 19 inches long.


The saddest part was not getting to even really see the baby before they had to take her away to the NICU she had immature lungs and was on surfactant and O2 and had a lot of tubes and wires when I finally did get to see her. Don't get me wrong I was allowed to see her anytime I could get down there and they let me hold her as often as I could.



I just missed having her near me. I mean 9 months of feeling tap dancing and moving and now she was nowhere near me. I had 15 staples in my gut and a baby I couldn't see. I was very happy she was where she needed to be and I needed to get better. My Dr and the nurses were wonderful leaving me in the hospital as long as they could. The last night I got the best news that the baby was going to spend the night with me and then if she did well on that she would come home with me then next day. She did great and came home with me on Friday dec 12th at the time she weighed only 5 pounds 15 ounces.



she is up another ounce from there and we are trying to get her to eat regularly so she can gain more weight. She is still on night O2 but the day time stuff is gone and hopefully tonight she will have her assessment and be free of all O2 though I am actually doubtful of that. She seems to be having a hard time with the not being on day time O2. I am hoping it is just me being paranoid and worried. She is so beautiful and tiny and perfect.

The refiner's fire.

I am watching BYU this morning and I don't know why this is hitting me so hard. Is it that I have so many friends and relatives who are going through this or is it that God is making me ready for for our family Crucible. Either way I am struck by the utmost spiritual awe that I have for you. I can not in the depth of my imagination understand the struggles I see you go through and the strength that somehow comes out of those depths. There seems to be no short of miracles that come into your lives. I know that the refiner is polishing you to a high shine and that your time here all ready shines.

I love you all and you mean the world to me. If the time comes for my crucible I WILL be turn to you for direction love and understanding.

oh so sweet

yesterday and today marked the first days of school for my kids. I also marked the back to school father's blessings.

I love this that each of my children can ask their dad to help guide them as they go back to school. Yesterday was Christine and Sean's turn to have their blessing and this morning was the other school kids.

Well when the last of the school kids had gotten done with the blessing. Kyla climbed up into the chair and folded her arms. Her daddy asked her if she wanted a blessing and she nodded. It was so sweet, and i was in tears. She us 2 really I know she didn't understand most of the blessing. but I know that her father in heaven was really blessing her and that he could tell her heart what it needed to know. I am so glad she had that example from her older siblings and that she followed through with it. I am also glad that her Daddy didn't dismiss her as just wanting what the others had even though that is more than likely what she wanted.

He then gave one to Brianne and mom, and boy did "I" need it. the priesthood is the most wonderful thing to have in our home.

A return to norman. + a shumway first.

this week marks the end of summer for the shumway family. My kids will all be back in school starting on Wednesday. Tyler's birthday marks the beginning of school and the end of his life (his words not mine). I will have 2 in elementary and 2 in middle school and one new freshman this year. I can't believe my oldest is that old all ready.

I though. this year I would make Ty's bday a bit better for him though, and just couldn't see a way of doing that until some friends helped me out. They wanted to see if we could get tickets to the sky sox ( local feeder league for the Rockies) and their father worked as security so we said sure give it a go, asked which day we wanted to go so I picked the day closest to my son's (who btw has not had great bdys for the last couple of years with grandma dieing and such) bday and thought what a great bday gift this will be for him. well they came back and said that he couldn't get that many seats together but they had offered the "box" to us. Can we say WOW. The ''box" is for VIPs ya know big screen and air conditioning for the game. I thought even better. Will they let us do the cake thing since it is he bday. They asked and then GAVE us a budget of 200 for food. basically I just got a catered party for my son's bday for NOTHING. didn't cost me a dime. My dh will be out of town so I asked if his best buddy could come and NP and all is set. Finally my son's bday will NOT be one of sorrow. I hope he remembers this for a long time. I know I will.


In other news Christine went to a seminary open house this evening. This is a first for us though she always will be the one with all the firsts. We found out who she will have for seminary and what time it starts ( tooo early) the rules and the whole shebang. I am so excited for her. I have watched her grow and try to be a better person and try helping this family become better as well and I think this is just one more step on that road. Confession time I never did finish seminary, I don't know if it was my parents or just the fact that I was too rebellious but I pray everyday that my kids are better than I was. So far it is working, I worry that it won't always be that way though. I am so glad that they have great leaders at church helping me to look out for them and keep them safe. I still am in shock that in 4 very short years I will have a senior and will be trying very hard not to cry through her entire last year of school.

When did I get so old.

mother of a pioneer.

I can't even begin to tell you of the spiritual experience that my dd had. I can tell you though of mine.

Wednesday evening as I went to bed I prayed that I would be able to get up and get C up for the big day. I didn't go to bed till after midnight making sure she had everything she needed to go on the trek. so it was after midnight when I went to bed. I couldn't sleep, and was so worried that by the time I had to get up I wouldn't be able to. Funny thing somehow I slept just enough that at 10 minutes till 4 am I was wide awake. went downstairs and there was C already up and almost ready to go. we did have to go and get some things but still made to the stake center on time. the amazing part was I wasn't tired. I am not sure how she felt but I was feeling wonderful. I met her Ma and pa and then I left. I tried to go back to sleep but couldn't.

Thursday was a busy day.

Friday i started to pray for her safe keeping and that she would enjoy the experiences to come. I was most worried about her feet. I knew other things were in place all ready to keep her safe. I couldn't call to make sure she was ok like at Girls camp with this all I could do was keep her in my heart, and do what I had promised i would try and do. I had told her I would work on my swearing and that I would try very hard not to( I kind of have the mouth of a sailor).

Saturday all day I was asked when she would be here, and what time was she coming in. the more I was asked the more I worried and wondered if she was OK, again all I could do was pray and have faith that Heavenly Father had taken good care of her. The later it got the more I worried. At about 9 at night I got my tree call and passed the word along. it was 10 at night when the buses pulled into the the stake center parking lot and I was able to finally see my not so little girl.

Through all of this I thought of the pioneers themselves, those that had gone on ahead of their families to find a home and those that had stayed behind on the trail for one reason or another while the rest kept going. The worry that must have been in their hearts, the prayers and faith they had to have knowing it was Heavenly Father that was watching over them. In some cases they never had the joy I had when seeing my daughter in the crowd of pioneers. In some and most cases it was a peace that they were now enfolded in Gods arms and that they would have the work to do in order to see them again. This made me feel all that much more connected, not just to my daughter but to those who had gone before.

Just a bit.

I am rearranging my priorities therefor I am going to TRY and get on here more and actually type more on here.

So the recent new is that there is a bit growing in me. I am currently almost 11 weeks and "he" is still there. I am more than happy with that because of the events of last spring. I say he because I would love nothing more than to have a baby boy to hold. I will take what HF sees fit to give me and know that they are for me.

I have started Craving and this time around has been a REAL WEIRD one. I don't know what this child is thinking messing with my order, but dang. I want things like french fries and white bread. things I haven't eaten in at least a year if not more, not only that but I have my first really WEIRD craving. 8 other PG's and I have NEVER had a WEIRD craving. I want Pickled asparagus and Alfredo sauce, to me this is like pickles and ice cream i mean really.

Anyway I have a pic and as soon as i can make my scanner be nice to me I will put the pic of my little alien up.