I have a friend in TKD that was 2 weeks behind me in gestation that lost her baby this week. they went in to her regular appointment and found no heart beat the a US said no fetal movement either. her baby was delivered on April 27, 2007 and only weighed 3 pounds nine ounces. they will have a funeral for him and I hear he was a beautiful little boy. What struck me is that with all her grief and pain she wanted me to know. She has somethings that my baby will now be able to use. How she could even at this moment think about someone else is beyond me. I know where Thomas is and I know he is safe, they may not and to be in that place and still think of others is just WOW is about all I can say.
It has brought me to an understanding as well that as uncomfortable as I am and in early labor like I am, my baby is still there, still moving and growing and healthy and what a blessing that is. I am going to try and not complain any more about this child within me. I know I will be holding her soon and hearing her cry, watching her grow, and all those things my friend will not be able to witness. My heart aches for her and I find myself crying at times for all that she has to do and is missing out on now. At the same time I am so glad with each kick to know my baby is safe secure and alive.
because I can't think.
Ok so when I can't think of anything to write I am just going to go blog hoping. I got this from Melanie's board who got it from Others.
Three things:
I LOVE
Family
winter- I know weird but everything looks so clean after a snow storm.
great music.
I MISS
loosing weight (can't do that PG)
My Aunt she was my best friend.
dates I haven't had one in forever.
I HATE
my way or highway people(even me at times)
when kids can't do what they have been asked.
When babies die.
People who make me Laugh
Sean
Randy
Heidi (if it is spelled wrong tell me I can fix it)
SCARE ME
the increasing violence in the world
Not being with my family for any reason.
Divorce
On my Desk
bills
books
junk lots of junk.
I Want to Do in this Life
raise kids strong in the gospel so they know who they are always
Go to Ireland
Get my veterinary Tech degree and open a groomery pet sitting place.
Things I CAN do
I have been told I am a good listener.
I have great empathy ( I cry as sad commercials even when I am not PG)
I am the best Mom I can be
Things I CAN'T do
I can't be my kids friend they have those at school
I can't force someone to my way of thinking, opinion is everything.
I can't keep a perfectly clean house. (you try it with six kids.)
Things I would like to Learn
Swing Dance
How to sew
Sign Language
I REGRET
Not learning those things that would help my kids out more. Like reading, I read but it is hard and not my kids suffer with it too.
Hurting all those that I love.
not being a better house keeper sometimes.
Favorite Foods
Calamari
Thia Food
Steak
(oh and just so you know before I met DH I had never even touched any of those foods.)
Favorite TV shows as a kid
Cosby Show
He man
Simon and Simon
Three things:
I LOVE
Family
winter- I know weird but everything looks so clean after a snow storm.
great music.
I MISS
loosing weight (can't do that PG)
My Aunt she was my best friend.
dates I haven't had one in forever.
I HATE
my way or highway people(even me at times)
when kids can't do what they have been asked.
When babies die.
People who make me Laugh
Sean
Randy
Heidi (if it is spelled wrong tell me I can fix it)
SCARE ME
the increasing violence in the world
Not being with my family for any reason.
Divorce
On my Desk
bills
books
junk lots of junk.
I Want to Do in this Life
raise kids strong in the gospel so they know who they are always
Go to Ireland
Get my veterinary Tech degree and open a groomery pet sitting place.
Things I CAN do
I have been told I am a good listener.
I have great empathy ( I cry as sad commercials even when I am not PG)
I am the best Mom I can be
Things I CAN'T do
I can't be my kids friend they have those at school
I can't force someone to my way of thinking, opinion is everything.
I can't keep a perfectly clean house. (you try it with six kids.)
Things I would like to Learn
Swing Dance
How to sew
Sign Language
I REGRET
Not learning those things that would help my kids out more. Like reading, I read but it is hard and not my kids suffer with it too.
Hurting all those that I love.
not being a better house keeper sometimes.
Favorite Foods
Calamari
Thia Food
Steak
(oh and just so you know before I met DH I had never even touched any of those foods.)
Favorite TV shows as a kid
Cosby Show
He man
Simon and Simon
I don't get In-Laws
I have heard nothing for the last 4 days but how they would like to stop pleasing everyone and just be where they are. How they are going to run away for christmas cause the y just can't do it anymore. So this morning they left and why, because their dd wanted to spend time with them and go somewhere, and then they are going to go to church with another son before they head up the the camp grounds where he will paint and she will go and visit her other dd. NOw don't get me wrong if we were closer I would not have a fit like this but I am not going to UT this year and more than likely not next year either. the other 5 sibling all live within 3 hours of Bear lake where they will be. for us it is at least 12 and maybe longer. They didn't say good by to the older kids, they hid down stairs till they were gone and then came up. I am the one dealing with a 2 year old who is huddled on the couch cause grandma told her she couldn't go with her. A 12 year old who is angry because they are doing the same thing AGAIN and what will be a 9 year old tomorrow whose Grandparents left a day before his bday. I HAVE TO DEAL with all of that but they don't want to leave anybody out. They had to leave today after all that crap about not wanting please everybody.
I don't want to feel this way I really don't want to feel the way I do. It is just hard. That woman hs not one ounce of flexibly in her entire body. She says something and that is just the way it is. she wants something and that is just the way it is. she wants to leave and by dang it if she doesn't leave then she tends to act more like a child and gets angry. you should have seen her last night when she thought they would be snowed in. Of course the roads opened up this morning and she was happy as a clam.
Oh well the stress is now gone and maybe this baby can come peacefully into the world.
I don't want to feel this way I really don't want to feel the way I do. It is just hard. That woman hs not one ounce of flexibly in her entire body. She says something and that is just the way it is. she wants something and that is just the way it is. she wants to leave and by dang it if she doesn't leave then she tends to act more like a child and gets angry. you should have seen her last night when she thought they would be snowed in. Of course the roads opened up this morning and she was happy as a clam.
Oh well the stress is now gone and maybe this baby can come peacefully into the world.
Ok so how long can one
be in labor. I know right now my dh is hoping that it doesn't go closer than the 20 minutes apart they have been the last day and half. they make me tired my butt hurts and I am so dang hot I could scream. but 2 more sleeps and a wake up and the new hospital will be open. SO at this pint I don't know if I should pray for things to speed up or hope they stay right where they are. Man id this taking for ever.
Strange days indeed.
So today was a very weird day for me. First my kids got up and out the door on time,then when they came home they sat down did homework and then their chores NO YELLING to get it done.
The really weird part came when I went to take the kids to TaeKwonDo I back out of the drive and hear a clank clank don't here it again so I am thinking I ran something over in the garage. I put it in drive and get half way up the block here is again clank clank thinking it is something stuck in the door I tell christine to open her door and pull what ever it is back in. Just then a lady on the side walk says you have something stuck in your tire. WHAT!!!!! so I walk around and sure enough in the right front tire is the metal hook to a bungee cord with the rest of the cord flapping in the breeze, as I am sitting there wondering how I am going to get this out (thing flat tire and late kids, Lets back up at this point to mention that my hubbie has told one of our family friends (non member) that we will be at his dd's chorale performance at 7 pm this evening to boot). Just my dd mentions that we have stopped right in front of the only other member on the block. SO I go up and knock to see if they at least have scissors that I can cut the stretch part off the bungee and pray, she comes out cuts it off and we PRAY all the way to TKD that the tire doesn't go flat and that we will be able to support our friends tonight. Randy is at TKD when we get there and comes out to see where the hook is and can't find it at all. He has me back up and pull forward nothing so I get out of the van and try to find it I mean heck it is the metal hook of a bungee cord how hard is it to miss. IT wasn't there no flat, no hook no leaking air nothing. Funniest part was all the way there the kids were asking how come it wasn't going flat all ready? And I was so trying to explain the whole pin in the balloon thing. you know when you stick a pin in the balloon straight on it won't leak till you take the pin back out. We finished TKD look at the tire still no flat and went to the chorale concert came home still nothing. I am amazed. A little weirded but truely amazed.
BTW the concert was at a Presbyterian building it was a beautiful building but to both DH and my self it felt more like a business then a house of the lord.
My husband the hidden romantic.
Ok so I will never have a public declaration of my husbands love for me. Heck it took him 10 years just to tell me for him it was love at first site, and there are definitely times when I wonder if we have lost it all together. Then he will go and do something and just makes me cry and know that he does. Like this song I had no idea he even remembered songs at all, but a dinner the other night he was talking to a friends wife and mentioned this song and said yup every piece of it including the 2 hour bath is my wife. He is so right I love and do all the things in the song including cry at movies ( including Charlett's web) I love walking in the rain it just smells so good and I feel like HF has cleaned everything when it is done. I don't think my DH will ever be able to carry a tune in a bucket so when he sings yup I roll my eyes. even the things I didn't know I did or did that often, the way he looked at me when he talked about it was WOW he really does love me. So I had to find the song so you could all hear the way My husband Loves me. Even if it is only behind closed doors.
morning musing from the house. (yes me)
Ok so I am now 36 weeks and this is truly uncharted territory. FIrst off I am as big as a freaken house!!!! I guess cause all my others have been here by now I just never realized how big a person got in the last month if this baby doesn't weigh at least 7 pounds I will cry I really will. 2nd I have a very short fuse right now. just this morning 3 of my 6 kids have been in tears because of mommy. And finally I think when your as big as a house and walk like a duck people are just a little nicer to you yesterday when i went to get my hair cut I asked how much to style it and they told me so I said ok lets do it and she so went above and beyond and this was just at a smart style inside of the walmart. I looked so good yesterday and this was after having all the kids home for a " snowday" (there was no storm just flurries) and one child that was completely grounded from all extra fun for the week with the possibility of parole if he was good. so the 2 and a half hours I spent at walmart and the 5 it took to pay off my dd were well worth it Plus I got a sonic blast on the way home. So while I was at Walmart I got my Fave color and I will be doing that later on quite possibly today while I have NO KIDS. Then I will take pics of my hair and my house (belly()) for those that think they want to see it.
Ok for the next 5 weeks
Keep me away from any and all shows about birth. I watched the show conception to birth. I A) wanted to kick their butts for making labor so much harder on themselves then necessary. Then B) I just sat and bawled knowing that in such a short time that would be me holding my new little girl and loving her from the top of her little tiny head to her however many toes (yes that is a tribute to my millie) those babies were all so tiny and precious and my dd's really liked seeing how the baby came all together and it was so fascinating. but I cried when the ladies miscarried and when they found things wrong. I just can't do it anymore so I am thinking that I need to shut off TLC and the discovery Channel it seems that in spring they just love to baby us to death.
Oh and if it be HF's Will could you all please pray that this one decides to come after the 25th and before her Grandparents decide they have had enough of us.
Oh and if it be HF's Will could you all please pray that this one decides to come after the 25th and before her Grandparents decide they have had enough of us.
well it's offical
I made it NO bed rest for me. I am now 35 weeks. I know this seems so trivial but this pis PG number 7 and of those 7 only this one and one other have I not been on bed rest so needless to say I am ecstatic. that and in 3 weeks the New hospital opens and it is so close to my house that I could walk IF I had to only about 5 minutes by car. that and I will be 38 weeks at that time and so this is all great for me.Oh and in 2 weeks my IL's will be here and if we can get them to stay I will have a baby sitter for when this baby is born and won't have to farm them out. Yippee for me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO BRI
it is birthday season for us. WE start with Brianne's bithday today and then have at least 2 more this month (this assuming the one within makes it to May)
My Bri was my hardest delivery to date. I did things that now I really wish I had just had the patience to deal with for a little longer like having my water broke right at 5 cm's when I should have waited so she had that water. i was in Labor for almost 14 hours with her in the hospital and I could have come home and been able to walk and sleep and whatever till she came. Instead I was there in the hospital and she had to have water pumped back into her so that she could get out. she was born early in the morning
after a lot of pitocin and many many hours of labor. 4 weeks later she was back in the hospital having a hernia operation and I was confounding Dr's because I was the one that found the hernia.
I do have to say though that she is still a great kid and I wouldn't know what to do without her.
she has grown so much as you can see. I have loved every minute of her being here and will continue to love her with all my heart.
My Bri was my hardest delivery to date. I did things that now I really wish I had just had the patience to deal with for a little longer like having my water broke right at 5 cm's when I should have waited so she had that water. i was in Labor for almost 14 hours with her in the hospital and I could have come home and been able to walk and sleep and whatever till she came. Instead I was there in the hospital and she had to have water pumped back into her so that she could get out. she was born early in the morning
after a lot of pitocin and many many hours of labor. 4 weeks later she was back in the hospital having a hernia operation and I was confounding Dr's because I was the one that found the hernia.
I do have to say though that she is still a great kid and I wouldn't know what to do without her.she has grown so much as you can see. I have loved every minute of her being here and will continue to love her with all my heart.
My baby brother
I wish with all my heart I could stop his hurt and make go away. He is my baby brother the one that actually learned that all the crap that I did wasn't the way to go. Who went on a mission, did the right things and married the first girl he fell in love with, Now she doesn't think she loves
which in my mind only seals the deal. He loves her so much and would never hurt her in any way going so far as not doing what most red blooded in their 20's boy with wifes would do him anymore. It would be different if she would just lett him one way or the other but she is pulling him along and he is in a dust bowl by himself while she is with friends and family. He is left wondering what he did wrong and what he could have done differently while she takes trips to Dallas and gets new jobs. I found out today that she has stopped wearing her wedding ring because for some reason it hurt her. What 25 year old Married guy (heck non married outside the church) would give that up. He is home now after visiting with us for 3 days, and says part of him wants to pack up everything that reminds him of her and the other part loves her so much she just can't. he still wears his ring and will till he knows. He seemed to have fun while here and I told him I wished I could have kept him in the basement safe from harm but I know that is not how we grow and learn. He did say that the next time ( assuming this goes south) He will NOT marry anyone is unready to go to the temple he won't make that mistake twice. For such a big guy (6 foot 2) he has a reall tender heart and that is what hurts so much, when he loves he loves with everything he has and when he hurts it hurts the same way. I pray he is able to find the money or that we can find the money for him to come and visit once after the baby is born, I want him to have good memories before he goes to Guam for the summer. He needs those right now. I need him to have those. Funny this little chubby faced kid isn't chubby any more and isn't so little and yet part of me wishes with all my heart I could pick him up like when he was little and just rock him till the hurt is gone. I really hate seeing him hurt. He is so tender right now that when he got home he found oil under the car and thought the worst and broke down in tears. he just cna't have one more thing go wrong I think it would 
kill him mentally.
I need to quit for now but for those of you out there that pray. Pray for Josh White to have some peace. For some kind of end to what is going on. whether that be for a wife to return or whether she tells him she is done. Pray for his strength that he will be able to handle the out come whatever it is.
which in my mind only seals the deal. He loves her so much and would never hurt her in any way going so far as not doing what most red blooded in their 20's boy with wifes would do him anymore. It would be different if she would just lett him one way or the other but she is pulling him along and he is in a dust bowl by himself while she is with friends and family. He is left wondering what he did wrong and what he could have done differently while she takes trips to Dallas and gets new jobs. I found out today that she has stopped wearing her wedding ring because for some reason it hurt her. What 25 year old Married guy (heck non married outside the church) would give that up. He is home now after visiting with us for 3 days, and says part of him wants to pack up everything that reminds him of her and the other part loves her so much she just can't. he still wears his ring and will till he knows. He seemed to have fun while here and I told him I wished I could have kept him in the basement safe from harm but I know that is not how we grow and learn. He did say that the next time ( assuming this goes south) He will NOT marry anyone is unready to go to the temple he won't make that mistake twice. For such a big guy (6 foot 2) he has a reall tender heart and that is what hurts so much, when he loves he loves with everything he has and when he hurts it hurts the same way. I pray he is able to find the money or that we can find the money for him to come and visit once after the baby is born, I want him to have good memories before he goes to Guam for the summer. He needs those right now. I need him to have those. Funny this little chubby faced kid isn't chubby any more and isn't so little and yet part of me wishes with all my heart I could pick him up like when he was little and just rock him till the hurt is gone. I really hate seeing him hurt. He is so tender right now that when he got home he found oil under the car and thought the worst and broke down in tears. he just cna't have one more thing go wrong I think it would 
kill him mentally.I need to quit for now but for those of you out there that pray. Pray for Josh White to have some peace. For some kind of end to what is going on. whether that be for a wife to return or whether she tells him she is done. Pray for his strength that he will be able to handle the out come whatever it is.
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